A form of escapism

So I’ve been feeling down in the dumps lately. While talking to my mom on the phone, she suggested that we (me and the girls) come down to her house for a visit. As an added bonus, they were planning on seeing my grandma and my aunt Barb (who hasn’t met Brielle yet) so I decided to take her up on it. Then Kevin could work as late as he needed to without feeling guilty and I would have some company during the day, and someone else could do some of the child care and be thrilled to do it.

I drove down last night after my chiro appointment. We ate chicken strips and treat of all treats, French fries with a milkshake on the way. We stopped just once for a nurse break, 15 minutes from Gigi & Opa’s house. Aviana was only a wee bear to get to sleep. Today was a good day.

We dropped off Gigi at a job interview, went to Wal-mart and bought the essentials in life–Huggies and Diet Mountain Dew. I even had a coupon for the diapers. After we picked up Gigi, we washed and vacuumed out the car (a big thrill if you’re two!), ate lunch and left for Grandma Leonard’s house. It’s about an hour and a half in the car, so I thought for sure Aviana would fall asleep and nap, epecially in light of the previous late night. She did fall asleep, but that was only after an hour and fifteen minutes and the seventh repeat of the Big Band version of Down by the Station. We had a wonderful visit and it was fun to surprise everyone as Grandma and Aunt Barb didn’t know we were coming. We went for an enjoyable walk, had enjoyable chats, ate a truly enjoyable meal with doubly enjoyable Brown Betty apple pie for dessert. Plus, Grandma’s rocker/recliners are way more comfortable for nursing than any seating in my house.

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Everything right

I did everything right today. I got up and went to MOPS and socialized my little heart out. I was honest with my friends about what has been going on and how down and not myself I’ve been for the last couple of weeks. I made a yummy lunch. I had a friend and her daughter over to eat it and to play with us. I prayed. I read in The Bible and in my favorite book 100 Best Bible Verses for Moms. I organized some pictures (which I really enjoy doing). I went for a long walk with Brielle in the wrap, Aviana in the stroller, and Roscoe and Claudia tagging along for good measure. I took a long bath, with the girls. I laughed.

You would think I’d be able to sleep and I would feel better and not be so dratted weepy. And sad.

It feels like I’m just feeling sorry for myself, when there’s nothing to feel sorry about.

My midwife’s office called and they went ahead and set up an appointment for me with a counselor I already know and like for tomorrow. I was going to cancel it, but I never got around to it.

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Antenatal checkup

Saw my midwife today, and everything checked out ok. The one I saw today was “B”. She was the one who labored with me from the time I got to the hospital at around midnight, until her shift ended at 7ish in the morning, with Brielle not making her appearance until 9. BUT she did not remember me. I understand on one hand how they have so many moms, and I did almost all of my pre-natal appts with “K1” another one of the three midwives in the practice, and “K2” was the one who actually delivered my baby, but I was still disappointed and saddened that she didn’t remember me. I did all that long, long night of work in her presence, and she didn’t remember me. I had all that exruciating pain and the bitter disappointment of asking for an epidural, and she didn’t remember me.

On top of that, I don’t know WHOSE records are in my file because when I mentioned how it was hard that my expectations of labor didn’t match the reality, (I was thinking labor would be a lot better than it was), B said “oh, it must have been a tough four hours” WHAT???!!! Try 19 hours of active labor and two days worth of prodromidal labor. And incidentally, those seven hours in the hospital before I got the epidural? Only dilated me one centimeter. Yep, that sucks.

Ok back to today: B did agree that I have some PPD, and we don’t want me to be on anti-depressants, so she referred me to a counselor. Hmmm. Doubt our insurance will cover that.

On the bright side, everyone who saw Brielle today deemed her absolutely gorgeous. Well I think so too.

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Language explosion

DD #1 is a very verbal child. As in, she starts talking from the second she wakes up, talks herself to sleep and doesn’t really stop in between. She still does the telegraphic talk (‘No want dat’ or ‘touch Belle foot’) But today when she got up from her nap, it was as if she kicked it into high gear. Suddenly she was asking “What’s that boy doing?” instead of pointing and asking “dat?” Startling.

Also startling is how much she pays attention to everything, even when you think she isn’t.

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Rollin’ in it!

Egg money! We put a sign down by the corner that reads “Eggs ahead” and one by our driveway that reads “Eggs for sale” and we had an actual customer within the week! At this rate the chickens will pay for themselves in four years! Give or take. 🙂

In case you’re curious, we have California Whites, which lay white eggs. We have been calling them California Racing Chickens, as they are usually the escapees and the hardest to get back in the pen. They are the lightest too and were flying out and getting killed by Roscoe the trusty beagledor until Kevin completely covered the pen with what else? Chicken wire. We have Black Sex Link, which we think is a pretty dumb name, and Rhode Island Reds; both these breeds lay brown eggs. We’re down to 14 out of the original 25 we started with in April, mostly due (well, completely due) to death by dog.

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Makes me cry

…well, among many things that make me cry lately…


by A.A. Milne
Little Boy kneels at the foot of the bed,
Droops on the little hands little gold head.
Hush! Hush! Whisper who dares!
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.

God bless Mummy. I know that’s right.
Wasn’t it fun in the bath to-night?
The cold’s so cold and the hot’s so hot.
Oh! God bless Daddy–I quite forgot.

If I open my fingers a little bit more,
I can see Nanny’s dressing -gown on the door.
It’s a beautiful blue, but it hasn’t a hood.
Oh! God bless Nanny and make her good.

Mine has a hood, and I lie in bed,
And pull the hood right over my head,
And I shut my eyes, and curl up small,
And nobody knows that I’m there at all.

Oh! Thank-you, God for a lovely day.
And what was the other I had to say?
I said “Bless Daddy,” so what can it be?
Oh! Now I remember it. God bless Me.

Little Boy kneels, at the foot of the bed,
Droops on the littel hands little gold head.
Hush! Hush! Whisper who dares!
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.

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