A day of rest (mostly)

God is good. He’s a Healing God. I had a sunshiny day today, for which I am grateful.

Aviana stayed over at Grandma’s last night, so no five a.m. “Mama! Mama!” Kevin and I were able to spend some quality time together –relaxing. Oh so sweet.

Around eleven, I went over to pick up Aviana and we headed to the gym. I feel energized just saying ‘the gym’. Both girls (this is the first time I’ve been apart from Brielle, except once I left her with my dad) did dandily in “Kid’s Club” while I worked out and encouraged a pregnant girl on the machine beside me to go ahead and try for her VBAC. I joined the gym and signed the paperwork while Aviana chatted the entire time. One of her cutenesses now is to cock her head to the side, and say “Yes you may…” Like “Yes, you may have a dwink of Mama’s soda”. She’s asking permission. So I told her she could have a drink out of the soda bottle, and after she did, she said all shocked-“Dat’s WATER!” I had refilled a soda bottle for my water bottle, as I am probably the only person in America who doesn’t drink bottled water. Poor thing. I felt like I had tricked her. ANYWAY…

We went to Sam’s for diapers and gas. Of course I ended up buying more than just diapers (strawberries, snack mix and a GI-NORMOUS box of Life cereal, if you must know). Aviana did wonderfully, and Brielle fell asleep nursing inside of the wrap. I sometimes feel as if it’s my duty to educate the world about baby wearing. At first I kind of liked the attention, but now I don’t want to feel so abnormal.

I pushed it a little too hard though because both girls cried almost the entire way home. We have tried giving Brielle a pacifier (calling it the Car Only Device) but it only seems to work 30% of the time. I did get a little peace during Aviana’s long nap, but only if I held Brielle. Still. She woke up every time I moved. The longest nap she got was at Sam’s Club.

Aviana woke up crying and couldn’t stop for a really long time, and Brielle echoed her sentiment (for the whole evening) But people in our homegroup were praying for me and it felt SO WONDERFUL to have someone praying out loud for me. And when we got home, Kevin thanked me for letting him go combine this afternoon. Thanked me. Wow. That’s big.

About the healing I mentioned God does? This depression goes deeper than the hormones run amok and crazy baby chemicals. There is stuff. A lot of stuff. From growing up, from poor decisions that I made as a teen and in my early 20’s, some stuff I blocked out but know is there and some stuff that just happened. I have a lot of forgiveness to dole out and a lot of anger to work through. I haven’t been wholly honest with anyone in a VERY long time, most of all God. In light of the fact that part of this depression stems from putting stuff inside me, instead of bringing it out and laying in God’s lap to deal with, I’ve decided that I’m going to work some of this outside of me. In print. Some on here. Some in a journal.

I used to be so regular about journaling–but writing it makes it real. Makes it memorable. Gives it (whatever the it is) life. Helps.

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I’ve now been officially initiated into the ranks of motherhood. Hazed,more like it.

Aviana was acting all weird this morning, but I didn’t think too much of it, until she threw up all over me-in my hair, down my back, onto my pants and bare arm and all over the bathroom floor, rug and toilet. Oddly enough, even though I was totally grossed out by the entire thing (like, gag me with a spoon!), I was more concerned about her and how she felt than about the vomit in my hair. I did promptly bathe us both, however, even though she cried the whole time. While I have been spit up on, and baby milky thrown up on, this is the first time I was ever actually thrown up on. Thank goodness I made it two years and three months before going through this lovely experience.

I’m also proud to say that I didn’t even call Kevin for help or even sympathy, but handled all the clean up myself.

Poor little critter. We laid in bed and read for about an hour, and now she seems fine.

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Not cool

‘Member yesterday when I thought it was so cool that Aviana was counting various itmes? Today: not so cool

So we’re (the girls and I) are all snuggly in my bed this morning, not quite ready to get up and face the day. Aviana asks for a back rub, but as she has a tee shirt on under her footie jammas, I tell her I’ll give her one later since I don’t want to undo all the layers. She is then inclined to give me a toddler back rub, and hey, I’ll take what I can get, so I gratefully accept. I’m lying on my side cooing at Brielle and Aviana is lifting my shirt so she can rub my back. She immediately hones in on a mole, and asks the now tiresome, “What’s dat?”. I tell her.

Then (sigh) she sort of pinches my love handle and says, “What’s dat?”
Then she begins to count! To nine! I quickly stopped the “back rub” and tried to remember she’s only two.

In my defense, I only have one fat roll there, and I’m joining a gym. And I did just have a baby. But it’s still a funny story.

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What’s dose ABC’s doing?

While driving by a bank tower with a scrolling marquee around the top, Aviana asks, “What’s dose ABC’s doing?” It took me a minute to figure out what she meant, but once I did, I was so impressed that she recognized that there were letters and they would have a meaning.

She also will point to words on a page and say “What’s dat says?”

I said something to her about taking my girls with me, and she said, “Mama have two girls.”

She also counts items like Brielle’s fingers, books, blocks, spoons, what have you. Generally she skips 4, but she has the basic idea down.

These are really significant milestones because it means she is grasping the concept that the letters and numbers stand for something and are symbolic in meaning. That is higher level abstract thinking.

I’m gonna have to stop calling her “Baby” A. But not yet.

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lunch date

Every house should come equipped with a six year old.

My friend Chris invited us over for a yummy spaghetti lunch. The food was great, but even better was not having to make it myself. Even better than that was how entertained Aviana was by her boys. She has 4 children, a six year old, four YO and then her youngest two are two and two months, the same ages as A & B. The older ones took the two YOs into the back yard and played and played. It was so fun. And Chris totally gave me hope by telling me that having the third and fourth was almost easier than the first two because of the helpfulness and entertainment factors the older children provide. Hmmm. Makes one think.

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I curled my hair!

I should have taken a pic because it was the first time in like, three months. Brielle slept right up until it was time to go to MOPS and Aviana was all ready early so got to watch her ‘elephant movie’ (Baby Einstein’s Baby Noah), and I got to actually get ready.

We played Bunco at MOPS which is my second time playing. In case you aren’t in the know, like me, it is a mindless dice game. Maybe I’ll try to get a game going at my family’s Thanksgiving. It’s a good way to chat with a lot of different people. I got all energized talking with other moms. I love MOPS.

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More irateness

We just were not communicating today. We got into an argument about cleaning the kitchen. And more miniscule stuff. We kept trying to make up, but then every time we talked, the other one would misinterpret and we’d cycle all over again. SO frustrating. This never happens to anyone else though, does it? 🙂 Finally K just went to bed and now I will too.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

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How I spent naptime

Chatting and joking with Kevin while he ate lunch; online browsing for new flannel jammas–which I didn’t buy, updating this blog, reading and replying to my email; editing pictures; nursing and holding Brielle, and drinking a soda. Not the most productive couple of hours of my life, but time well spent.

I took this picture right before A’s nap.

Kevin and I ended up getting into a dumb conversation about the microfiber dust cloths he’s been using to clean his glasses. I got irate. DUMB DUMB DUMB. what is the point of that?? Why am I so irritable?

I took the girls to the library this morning for Tummy Time story hour. It wasn’t that great this time, but it was fun to be out of the house, and be hanging out with my girls.

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We got up and dressed in layers for the super cold and rainy day that was predicted. We were on our way to Amelia’s cross country meet, so it always behooves one to dress warmly. It turned out to be 50 and sunny during the meet, a perfect day for a meet in a park, next to a playground (never mind that the swings and slides were wet wet wet, and I didn’t notice until Miss A dried them with her pants). Then we did a little shopping, got a humidifier and diapers, Little Noses and grapes, you know, the necessities in life. I also got to check out a second hand store I haven’t been in before while my mom and grandma played with my daughters. We went out for pizza and fried chicken with all the fams and Amelia’s team for Friends and Family day. Aviana had her first accident in many many days. Figures. And I was dying of heat in a wool sweater, but was embarrassed to be seen amongst all these fit college runners with my post baby body without it. I got over that. Enough to take my sweater off at least. We came home for naps, except Aviana and Grandma were the only ones who actually got to sleep for any length of time. I made brownies and once again, Kevin had sold eggs out from under the hens, so even though I went out twice in the rain, had to make do with only one egg for the brownies. We had everyone here for dinner that Mom had going in the crockpot and then played Malarky and Conga until we were all exhausted and went to bed at about 10.

This was the busiest day I’ve had in a long, long time.

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