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Farm Fresh Road Trip

Six kiddlets and one mama heading up to Chicago area for Independence Day weekend.
Minute 1: tan I have a snack now?
Minute 7: it takes a wong time to det to Gigi and Opa’s.  (Repeat every 2-3 minutes) 
Minute 11: pass out multiple “pixie cups” of cheddar popcorn accompanied by threats of being tossed out the window if you spill any
Minute 20: wait for train
Minute 30: Burger King drive through
Minute 36: I’m hungry, tan I have a snack now? 
Minute 49: enter expressway with very minimal exits and much construction and no shoulder
Minute 53: air conditioning starts blasting heat. Even shutting off fans does nothing to stop it. Roll down windows, hope for the best. There is NO WHERE to pull over. 
Minute 58: three year old, red in the face and exquisitely in pain begins scream crying “top on the side of the road to doe peepee and poopoo!!”
Minute 59: thankfully see a sign declaring we are not far from the only exit for another 35 miles because there is no way to pull over in the construction and traffic 
Minutes 59-65: Hold it baby, can you hold it? 
Big brother: just pee in your seat! Hahahaha!!
Minute 60: Nine year old, red in the face and exquisitely in pain begins scream crying, because of a leg cramp
Minute 66: baby wakes up.
Minutes 66-80: Take kids into gas station by turns. Deny requests to buy fireworks, toy cars and snacks. 
Minute 85: return to tollway. 
Minute 86: I’m hungry. May I have a snack? 
Minute 87: is it my turn with the kindle yet? 
Minute 88: miraculously, shutting off Suburban has fixed the heating issue, at least temporarily, and air conditioning works once again and we can roll up the windows.
Minute 88-120: negotiations for Kindle turns, drinks of water, much conversation and laughter and “It take a wong time to det to Gigi and Opa’s house”: arm in backseat stroking baby’s head
Minute 100: Cadrian gave Denton the Kindle so he could play Math V. Zombies, but only after he used up all the bullets so poor five year old had to do too hard of math problems for him in order to get more bullets. For some reason this made me laugh hysterically. Aviana to the rescue–provided him with a well stocked arsenal.
Minute 115: finally stop laughing. Hysteria  may have other sources… 
Minute 121: let boys in third row have popcorn bag
Minute 121:30: uhoh!–the popcorn dropped all over the floor and seat
Minutes 122 continued: feverishly feed baby grapes to keep her quiet. She bites into them, eats their guts,  spits out the outsides. Don’t care. At least she’s not crying.
Minutes 123 continued: everyone gets louder and louder the heavier the traffic gets and the closer we get to our destination. 
Minutes 125 and on: Jokes like: why did the cow cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the calf cross the road? Because he was nursing his mama
Minutes 126 and on: Brielle texts my friends with video of crying baby. And texts whomever will text her back
Minutes 127 and on: children wave exuberantly at fellow drivers and shout things they thankfully (hopefully) can’t hear like “hey lady! You’re fired!” 
Minute 140: notice phone battery (and therefore GPS directions) is getting dangerously low. Charger in a bag in the way back. Carry on bravely. 
Minute 145 and on: childish jabber noise and intermittent baby fussing accompanied by the constant pinging, baaing, and general noise of Elivette’s Todo Math game 
(Don’t forget the “it takes a Wong time to det to Gigi and Opa’s house!” Every few minutes)
Minute 183: ARRIVE AT DESTINATION 
Now it’s “how wong befowre Uncwle Torydon dets hewre?”
Clean out popcorn, grapes, at least half a pint of blueberries,  and an entire garbage bag of trash. 
Ahh. We’re here. 

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